I wannas sexs uuuuu
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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