I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
