Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
