I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
