I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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