hotel room ftw
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
