4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
