We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
