im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
