I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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