There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Damn victory sex feels great
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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