Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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