it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
