I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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