i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
