you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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