so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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