I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
