Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
