One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
