I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
