he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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