We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
