Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
