I am puke
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
