no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize