How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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