My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize