i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
