At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
