my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
