i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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