There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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