Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize