Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
