ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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