..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize