my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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