I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We left the knife in your bed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
