i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
