Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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