Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
