So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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