Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
