can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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