I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
