It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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