the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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