ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
