Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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