who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
