I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
