oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
