i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
