Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
