I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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