Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
