i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
