Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
