p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My bed smells like the plague
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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