Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
