it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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