I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
