I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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