Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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