I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
