I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize