get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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