what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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