ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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